Been a while...

And I have been wondering.. Why do we do what we do?

To take a small example - After the initial excitement of everyday posts, I have only blogged when I felt something significant.

Why?

 It is an unprejudiced question. There is no blame or guilt involved. It merely tries to observe human nature. And I would be the easiest subject to observe... Or would I?

Well, easy or not, the process is definitely very interesting.

So, why did I do what I did?

Maybe I was lazy.
Maybe I was trying to be different and didnt want to copy what my friend was doing (he has built a pretty successful blog since at alearningaday.blogspot.com :) )
Maybe I am a closed person and didnt want others to know what I was learning. But then, I didnt maintain a diary either.
Maybe I didnt like the idea of trying convincing myself that what I learnt everyday could be put in words. Maybe I thought my English was inadequate.
Maybe I thought I didnt learn much everyday.

Or maybe it was a combination of those.

So, what is the reason? I am not sure either. I could rationalize each/all of those reasons. Sometimes, the little voice in the head says "Naaah that cant be true!". Sometimes it says "Ah ofcourse.. that makes sense". At other times it goes "Hmmm.. maybe.."

But then what was I thinking when I consciously decided to stop? I had to pick a good reason to stop because otherwise, I would have had to conclude that I am lazy and uninspired. I could have picked any reason to rationalize. But would that be the real reason?

Your mind often prevents you from having a "heart-to-heart" talk with it. So, that you dont feel too bad. It builds a layer of rationalization on top to account for your actions - and synchronize it with what is "right" or "wrong" as perceived by the society.

I was watching Dexter (the TV serial). The process is very similar to how the serial killer rationalizes his kills.

So, which is real? The layer beneath or the layer on top?

The layer beneath because it reveals your true nature? - Or will this be replaced by the layer on top eventually?
Or the layer on top because that it what you are moulding yourself into? - Or is this a lie you are telling yourself?

Which is real? Which is the matrix?